Welcome to the BDSM Blog hop! Today I’d like to talk just a little about one of my favorite kinks — negotiation.

Unfortunately, after being with my husband for close to two decades, and married for sixteen years, we no longer have a lot to negotiate. When we role play and map out the scene, there are still sorta-kinda semi-negotiations, but I get most of my kicks from letting my characters negotiate these days.

Here’s a tiny excerpt from Safeword: Matte — In Training. If you haven’t read either Matte book (pronounced mah-tay, as it isn’t English), you should know Ethan is extremely well endowed, and wants to work his new fiancée up so she can take him in her backside on their honeymoon. This is a small peak into the contract negotiations.

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“Thanks for giving me some space. I’m ready to talk now, I think.”

Sam’s heart fluttered as Ethan’s gaze rose and a smile lit his face. He nodded to the coffee table. “I printed off the agreement, if you want to read through it and make notes.” He gestured to his laptop and added, “If I can have another ten minutes here I can finish what I’m working on, and then I’m all yours.”

They were both wearing jeans and tees, and anyone looking in on them wouldn’t have thought anything odd about a couple hanging out together on a Saturday, unless they read over her shoulder.

Sam used the pen Ethan had thoughtfully placed with the contract to make her own notes, and when she made it to the end she looked up to see Ethan watching her, his laptop open on the table between them.

“You didn’t write this.”

He smiled. “I wrote a version of it, and asked an attorney friend in the lifestyle to reword it for me.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I had some contract law classes in college, enough so I can hold my own if necessary, but I wanted you to see it as more…official?”

Did he think she’d blow it off if the wording wasn’t exactly right? No, she didn’t think so. She looked at him a few seconds, debating whether to push for a better answer. Finally, she said, “I try hard to look at the intention of your instructions, and not hold you to the letter of exactly what’s said. If I truly misunderstand it’s different, but if I know what you mean, that’s what I go with.”

“Are you upset at my having someone else re-write it?”

“Not upset, just…” She shook her head. “I want to be sure you don’t feel as if you need another attorney in order to come to an agreement with me. I mean, this is only important to you and me. No judge is ever going to see it, so there’s no reason the wording has to be legally acceptable. Have I made you feel you need help to get me to follow our agreements?”

Ethan stood and walked to her, dropped onto the sofa and pulled her into his arms in one motion. “I didn’t intend to give that impression. I thought it would impress you; I had no idea you’d see it in a bad light, but I can see why you do. I’m sorry. You’ve never made me feel like I was at a disadvantage in our negotiations.”

Sam pulled back to look at him, and raised her body off the sofa to kiss his cheek. Plopping back into the seat, she said, “No need to apologize; I just needed to know why. Thanks for making the effort to get it right, but since your fiancée is an attorney you can always ask her to do it, you know?” She hugged him again and then pushed at his chest. “Now, back to your side of the room so we can negotiate. No way can I think straight with your arms around me.”

Ethan chuckled and kissed her forehead before moving to the sofa across from her again. He pulled his laptop back into his lap. “Okay, I’ll make changes here as we negotiate, and you can do a final read through before we finalize it.”

“I’ve already agreed to most of this: wearing the anal ring a total of forty-five minutes a day, at least two hours apart, at least five minutes per insertion. It sounds like you’ll be in charge of it on the weekends and it could be longer?”

He nodded. “We’ll move to larger rings on Fridays, and I’ll work you enough over the weekend so you’ll be ready to put them in yourself by Monday morning.”

“I have some concerns over the wording about the monster plug you had me sit on. I have to be able to go a half inch farther every Friday night, or accept one stroke of the stainless cane for every eighth of an inch I’m short? That seems like a lot.”

“The plug is a gradual spread, so a half inch farther down is about an eighth of an inch larger diameter. We need to spread you about an inch and a quarter wider than you are now, which means it will take sixteen weeks to get there an eighth of an inch at a time.”

He ran his hand over the top of his head and added, “Remember, you’ll be stretching the muscles inside, and your body will be creating more skin and longer muscles as we go. I fully expect you’ll have a few days you’ll need to back off a size in order to fulfill your obligations, and I need to trust your judgment on what you can take without causing damage. The guideline of stretching at least an eighth of an inch a week is to make sure you stay on target to be ready by our honeymoon.”

Sam crossed out her objections and continued. “Thank you for the provision taking away my safeword for punishments.”

He nodded. “You’re agreeing to those specific consequences. If there’s a problem I’m not aware of, you’ll need to state the problem.”

“I don’t see my arms falling asleep as being a problem for less than a dozen strokes of the cane, but I understand your meaning.”

“The most you’ll get is six.”

Sam shook her head. “If I fail again two days later the total is two strokes for every eighth of an inch, and in another two days it grows to three. I don’t see myself not gaining anything at all, but there’s no guarantee the most will be six strokes.”

He tilted his head. “And you’re agreeing to this, without a safeword?”

She shrugged. “You have caveats about giving consideration if I’m sick or have a valid reason for not reaching the goal. I trust you’ll be fair, so yeah.”

This is a small part of the negotiations, where Sam is being agreeable, which doesn’t always happen during their back and forth at this stage. However, it brings up something I’d like to talk about — consensual non-consent.

Sam is agreeing Ethan can give her specific punishments without her having the ability to safeword out of them. In this case, it’s a certain number of strikes with a stainless steel cane, based on her training progress. Or, rather, lack of training progress.

Please note my most important ingredient here — trust.

She can agree to give him this kind of power because she trusts him to be responsible with it.  Is there anyone in your life you’d trust with this much power? Would you want to?

Come back to the blog tomorrow for an excerpt showing the kind of fun you can have once the negotiations are over.

And if you haven’t read the books, Safeword: Matte is on sale for a limited time:

Or, if you’d like to win a copy of the 2013 version of Safeword: Rainbow, you have four ways to win — do all four and you’ll be entered four times, or do one and you’re entered once:

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If you’re already following me on Facebook or Twitter let me know who you are, and I’ll count it. On Sunday, July 13th I’ll give away one copy for every ten people who enter.

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